Thursday, January 11, 2007

So Few Wings

I'm a pretty smart guy and I just put something together. You've eaten 113 wings in 10 days. After some quick calculations, that means you're averaging 11.3 wings per day. How is that possible??? I would say an average meal of wings consists of b/w 10 and 12 wings, but you're eating at least 2 wing-meals a day and are only eating just over 11 per day? Are you coping out and eating more celery and carrots? Yes, Fred, I'm calling you out!

Fair enough. I have been getting a lot of questions about this, so I figure that it is time to address them. First off Roger, congratulations on the math. I know that brain use comes as quite a challenge to you and I hope that you didn't hurt yourself by thinking about that one for too long. I have a feeling that you waited until day 10 to ask me about that just so that you could do the math a little easier.

That being said, let me explain a few of the reasons that I think have been contributing to me eating so few Wings. First off, when you eat Chicken Wings, they bring you 10-12 and you eat them all and are full. You would do the same if they brought you 16... or even 8. As Americans, we have the unique ability to keep eating long after we are full like some sort of super-goldfish. Plus, when you only eat Wings one time a week or less, you are so excited to see them that you throw them down quickly and entirely. When you eat Wings every day, you get a chance to savor the flavor and awesomeness of the Wings.

The real answer though is that I do not have any carrots or celery at home. When I go to restaurants, I do eat a lot of these vegetables, but at home, I eat none. I do, however, drink a ton of juice. I have been drinking a lot of the Low Sodium V8, which is more like a small meal and has a ton of vegetables in it. Last night at work alone, I drank two single serving bottles of V8 and a bottle of orange juice. Each of the single serving bottles claims to have 3 full servings of vegetables in it. I drink a lot of it at home too. This keeps me pretty full and only allows me to eat 6 or 7 Wings at a time. Maybe you argue that I shouldn't drink so much of the V8 and that I should focus on Wings only, but I am afraid that if i did that I would surely die!

Also, sometimes I am really tired after work and go right to bed as soon as I get home which means that the meal when I wake up will be my only meal a day.

Plus I know I have only cooked a few meals at home, but the Wingettes from Publix are ridiclously huge.

Plus, beer is filling and I do love to drink.

Phred Barnet

1 comment:

Ben said...

roger is not a smart guy.
he sleeps on sidewalks.